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(Take action) If you’re not prepared to answer these questions and move on to the next thought process, give your mind something else to think about.Boredom is dangerous because when you are bored, you will find that you use that physical and mental energy on them.You also have to factor in that particularly with unhealthy pairings, they don’t it easy to move on from them because they often like to pop up in your life and keep a foothold.But this is why you have to go back to the fact that you and only you are in charge of your experience and that you have to steer yourself out of the breakup waters into the calmer sea of acceptance.A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance of not making someone the sole source of your happiness, your reason for being or your purpose, and explained that on a number of occasions I had believed I wouldn’t love again, that I wouldn’t recover and that I couldn’t be happy without them, only to discover that this was completely exaggerated and untrue.I’m here, I’m still standing, and with the wonderful vision that hindsight gives me, I realise that it was the pain of letting go more so than the person.
Thinking about the fact that you’re thinking about them will only exasperate you further.
I ranted, I raved, I bitched, I cried, I complained, I bargained with myself, I replayed every damn conversation and when I chose to accept him for what he is, it made me ask ‘But why on earth would I want to be with someone like that in a relationship like this? At times it made me see my own choices clearly and I would try to refocus my energy on being annoyed with him. People keep saying to me ‘When am I going to get over them?
’ In all honesty, it’s different strokes for different folks but the people I know that If it takes you weeks or even months to get over someone who you knew for days or a few weeks, this is a very disproportionate reaction to your involvement and is indicative that you were too invested in a very brief connection and are struggling to let go of the fantasy. Very traumatic relationships can take more work to get over as it can really affect your trust issues.
Next thing you know, you’re hijacked by nostalgia or blame, obsessing, or even dialling or texting them.
One of the things that will stall the process of letting go is if there is an underlying fear of ‘what happens next’. When I don’t have them to cry and complain over and to think about morning, noon and night, what am I going to do then?
We then think about starting over, having to put ourselves out there, getting out of comfort zone, interacting with new people, discovering our own accountability for what may have happened in our relationships and being a person of action and it can all seem very scary.